Jersey Shore: Tanning and Gelling

(photo of oompa loompa courtesy of MTV)

You know what's amazing about Jersey Shore? The fact that it's like Flavor of Love in that everyone has a nickname. However, the nicknames are self-inflicted and more nonsensical than anything Flavor Flav could have ever come up with.

The show debuted with a two hour preview last Thursday and is on every SINGLE Thursday on MTV at 10PM EST.

If you get bored at work, which you will because let's face it, you're not Obama...go here to get your very own "Guido/Guidette" name. Btw, mine is Princess of Parabus. For those of you who don't know, Parabus is a land where the sun always shines, the gel always glistens and the men always grunt at the gym because the weights they're lifting are SOOOOOOOO heavy.

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The Winner of Daisy of Love IS...

I was the most shocked person when 12 Pack got eliminated in the first part of the show. I'm glad I didn't put any money on it because I would have lost the damn shirt off my back.

So lets cut to the chase, the winner of Daisy of Love is....

LONDON!!!!!.....

HOLY JESUS! Daisy really IS as stupid as she looks. I mean, good Lord.

He wins a gift of the herpes, lasting for life! Free Valtrex too. I'm predicting that by the time we watch the reunion show hits, they won't be together and Daisy will be filming the second season already.

What we really need is 12 Pack of Love. Let's throw this guy a bone here...

(courtesy of VH1)

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Jesus Doesn't Love You

Jesus doesn't love you and there is no God. Why? Because if God and Jesus loved you, then they wouldn't allow Real Chance of Love 2 to happen. Well, it's happened. Real and Chance, cast-offs from I Love New York 2 are back for a second season of wine-ing and dining skanks on VH1's tab.

I don't get it. It's bad enough if you go on a "reality" show to win the love of someone famous or someone who used to be famous. It's quite another thing to go on a reality show to win the love of someone who got kicked out by a has-been. Color me confused.

Anyway, it looks like it's going to be a crack-tastic season with better looking girls, stupider girls and the same ol' Real and Chance. Real Chance of Love premieres on August 3.

I've got my money on the he/she named Chewy. Trust.

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RIP Gidget

Gidget, the original Taco Bell dog, has gone to the drive through in the sky. She was 15 years old and suffered a stroke. May she rest in peace...

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5 Legged Dog

So I used to date this guy who I nicknamed "Tripod". You're not stupid so I'm sure you know what that means, that dude had a third leg. I swear! Anyway, I was actually reading the news today and came across the story of a 5 legged chihuahua. You can read the story here, I don't feel like typing a summary.

Anyway, the dog was going to be sold to a freak show (kind of like Tripod), but it was saved by this woman. The whole point is that, when you hear about a 5 legged dog, you think "wow, that would be kind of cool to look at and I bet that dog is REALLY fast." In reality, it's like Tripod, it's actually really disturbing and sad to look at. That's why I let a kind woman from craigslist adopt Tripod from me.

Great in theory, gross in reality.

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Daisy of Herpes

(photo courtesy of VH1)

So the season finale of Daisy of Love is this Sunday night. Thank effing God! This season has dragged on like a sorority girl talking about her hair. Daisy was able to narrow it down to 3 lucky? guys: London, 12 Pack and Flex. Here are some pros and cons about each guy:

London
Pros: muscian, has hair
Cons: dbag, homeless, had a girlfriend at home (which he got eliminated for)

12 Pack
Pros: seems like a pretty good guy, works out, isn't a complete douche
Cons: really likes reality shows, not sure if he has or will ever have a "real" job

Flex
Pros: HOT!, works out a lot, good guy from the midwest
Cons: only 22, yikes!, probably doesn't really like Daisy (his friends on facebook are hotter)

So what's the verdict? I predict that 12 Pack will win. Afterall, these two are made in reality tv heaven. AND they'll get to do their own Strange Love (with Flav and Bridgitte) show.

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Link Me Up

Would you pay to see the Real Horsewives of NJ? I'd pay them to go away. -Dlisted

I'd like my caramel macchiato with just a touch of queen, thanks! -Perez Hilton

It's sad when instead of your movie going straight to dvd, it goes straight to ABC Family. Lohan, I'm looking at you! -BuzzFeed

Who wants to adopt a chunky monkey? -JustJared

Paula being kicked to the curb? At least she already has the pain meds. -PopSugar

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It's Gettin' Hot in Herre

Gordon Ramsay is back! My life felt a little empty and I couldn't figure out why. After seeing the preview for tomorrow's night's premiere of Hell's Kitchen, it hit me. My life has been devoid of an angry British hamster-looking man screaming obscenities at me.

This season looks promising, I think weaves are going to catch on fire (those damn things are so flammable unless you get real hair, but that shit's expensive) and a Whoopi Goldberg-looking dude/woman. I hope to get some good insults out of Ramsay this time around...

Catch the 2-hour premiere of Season 6 of Hell's Kitchen TOMORROW, Tuesday, July 21 at 8:00PM EST on Fox.

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